SIDE 1

CALLAHAN

Emmett, let me be very clear. This is your chance, and I gave you simple instructions- Lead this legal team and get me an alibi. You're zero for two.

(CALLAHAN and EMMETT approach the remaining interns.)

Everyone, field trip's over. Let's go. Back to work.

(turning to EMMETT and ELLE)

Except you two. I'd rather not see "Ratty Corduroy" or "Legally Blonde" again today.

(EMMETT and ELLE are left alone.)

ELLE

Emmett, I'm sorry-

EMMETT

-I don't need you to be sorry. I need you to tell me the alibi.

ELLE

I can't because I gave Brooke my word. Having an alibi isn't the only way to win this case.

EMMETT

No, but it sure would help.

ELLE

We'll free Brooke the right way. The noble way.

EMMETT

This isn't a Lifetime Original Movie, Elle. I'm not interested in nobility right now, I'm more interested in saving Brooke's life.

ELLE

No you're not. You're more interested in impressing Callahan.

EMMETT

Well, he is my boss. And if I impress him he'll make me associate.

ELLE

And jeopardize your client's trust and our integrity?

EMMETT

Why do you always have to be right?

ELLE

I don't have to be... when I'm with you, I just am.

SIDE 2

EMMETT

Hello, I'm Emmett Forrest. Class of aught five. Represent. Welcome to the hallowed halls of Harvard Law. I know firsthand how hard you've all worked to be here today, so let's go around and share a bit about yourselves.

AARON

Aaron Shultz. I won a Fullbright and a Rhodes and became fabulously wealthy writing financial software code. But spending my money grew painfully insipid and stale, so now I'm here at Harvard Law.

EMMETT

Well, that's-

PADAMADAN

Sundeep Agrawal Padamadan. In my country I was a benevolent dictator, until the coup d'etat. Now I am studying at Harvard Law until my inevitable return. And you may call me "Your Majesty."

EMMETT

Pleased to-

ENID

Enid Hoopes. I did the Peace Corps, building family clinics by hand out of mud and trees. It was hot and exhausting and I loved every minute of it. But Harvard Law needs me more. Because we need more women in power fighting the oppressive, patriarchal-

(ELLE sunnily enters the room.)

ELLE

I love your top! It's so fatigue chic. So how psyched are you guys? Snaps, our first day at Harvard Law.

(silence)

Hi. I'm Elle Woods. And this is Bruiser Woods.

ENID

(grudgingly)

Enid.

ELLE

Oh my God, we both have names that start with an E!

ENID

(sarcastic)

Oh my God, we're, like, practically twins!

(Other STUDENTS snicker.)

EMMETT

(coming to rescue)

We're just going around the room...tell us something about yourself.

SIDE 3

VIVIENNE

All that pink you're wearing. Is that even legal?

ELLE

Pink's my signature color.

VIVIENNE

So I gathered.

EMMETT

Callahan should be here any second. Three years ago I was sitting right where you're sitting and I'd heard the same rumors I'm sure you've heard too. Callahan's ruthless. What you really need to know is-

(EMMETT falls silent as CALLAHAN enters.)

CALLAHAN

-You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be used against you.

(The CLASS sits up straight to listen.)

When you choose a career in law you're bound to hear that "a lawyer is a shark." Ignore that. It's simplistic and it's stupid. Only some of you will turn out sharks. The rest...are chum.

(No reaction from the CLASS.)

What's my point? I'll tell you. From this class I will hire four young sharks to work at my billion-dollar law firm. As interns. For me. Virtually guaranteeing a career. Provided you can survive.

(CALLAHAN notices ELLE in the front row.)

Now, Ms...?

ELLE

(brightly)

Woods. Elle Woods.

CALLAHAN

Someone's had their morning coffee. Would you summarize the case of State of Indiana v. Hearne from your reading, please.

ELLE

Okay, who assigns reading for the first day of class?

SIDE 4

VIVIENNE

I didn't make you look bad, you just weren't prepared. Try opening a law book. But I should warn you. They don't come with pictures.

EMMETT

So I'll give you ladies a moment then.

(EMMETT creeps back into class. WARNER enters.)

WARNER

Hey!-

ELLE

Warner! Thank God you're here.

(ELLE goes up to a stunned WARNER.)

WARNER

Elle, I'm sorry-

ELLE

Sorry about what?

VIVIENNE

Warner, is there something you'd like to share with Elle?

ELLE

Do you know her?

WARNER

Yeah... Elle, Vivienne and I went to boarding school together... and she's my girlfriend now.

ELLE

I'm sorry. What did you say?

VIVIENNE

He said I'm his girlfriend.

ELLE

GIRLFRIEND?!?!?!?!