SIDE 1

FARQUAAD

Boooooooooooooooooo!

(turns to FIONA)

Are we ready, darling?

FIONA

I can t.

(FIONA rushes off.)

PINOCCHIO

That s it! We ve taken your abuse for the last time, Farquaad!

BABY BEAR

Well no more!

WITCH

It ebds today!

PIG #1

Power to zee piggies!

MAMA BEAR

We demand our homes back!

PINOCCHIO

And our rightful place in Duloc! Right guys?

FAIRY TALE CREATURES

(ad libbed)

This guy is a sham! He ll pay! Up with fairies! Power to the cookies! (etc.)

FARQUAAD

It ll be a dark day before I let you freaks ruin my wedding!

PINOCCHIO

Freaks, eh? Well, I guess it takes one to know one.

FARQUAAD

What?

PINOCCHIO

Be prepared to have your mind blown.

(PINOCCHIO gestures. The FAIRY TALE CREATURES part, and a very grumpy DWARF steps forward.)

DWARF

Hiiiiii-hoooooooh!

FARQUAAD

(reels a bit)

Daddy?

(The CROWD gasps.)

DWARF

I suppose my invitation was lost in the mail?

FARQUAAD

Well maybe if you hadn t abandoned me in the woods!

DWARF

Abandoned you? You were twenty-eight, and living in my basement!

PINOCCHIO

People of Duloc, your leader if a Halfling!

MAMA BEAR

Which is a lovely thing to be!

FARQUAAD

(tantrum)

I m a king! I m a big man! A big tall giant man with a kingdom!

Not-a-freak! Not-a-freak! I have a castle!

FIONA

(enters with a lantern, which illuminates her face)

Stop the wedding!