Script

SIDE 1

MAYOR SHINN

As Mayor of River City I welcome you River Citizians to the Fourth of July exercises. Now, the Wa Tan Ye Girls will present a spectacle my wife—

(MAYOR SHINN looks at his notes.)

—in which my wife – Eulalie MacKecknie Shinn, will take a leading part.

(EULALIE MACKECKNIE SHINN and the other WA TAN YE GIRLS pose and gets ready to perform. TOMMY sneaks onstage and drops a large book behind the GIRLS. The crash scares them. EULALIE swoons.)

EULALIE

I’m shot, George, who shot me?

(There is a considerable disturbance as MAYOR SHINN comforts EULALIE.)

CONSTABLE

Who set off that cracker?

GRACIE

Tommy Djilas did it – Tommy Djilas did it.

ALMA

Yes, it was Tommy Djilas!

MAYOR SHINN

Mrs. Shinn will... recover. Now the Paine’s Fireworks Spectacle will be...

SIDE 2

MAYOR SHINN

That man is a spellbinder. I want his credentials.


(TOMMY tries to run away. HAROLD stops him and brings him to the CONSTABLE).

CONSTABLE

Thank you, Professor.

TOMMY

Jeazle Petes, lemme go.

MAYOR SHINN

You watch your frazalogy. And stay away from my oldest girl. Hill, I’ll talk to you Monday morning about this band thing.

(aside to CONSTABLE)

I want that spellbinder’s credentials.

(MAYOR SHINN exits.)

HAROLD

Constable. I’ll be responsible for the boy.

(looks around)

Oh, young lady. What’s your name?

ZANEETA

Zaneeta. I don’t have any idea you was beckoning me. Ye Gads.

HAROLD

Tommy, this is Zaneeta. Escort the young lady home – by way of the candy kitchen.

(HAROLD slyly passes TOMMY a few coins.)

TOMMY

(excited)

Do I hafta?

HAROLD

You hafta.

TOMMY

Yes sir!

ZANEETA

Ye Gads.