Script

SIDE 1

I'm sure we're all grateful to my wife, Eulalie MacKecknie Shinn for leading the singing. As Mayor of River City I welcome you River Citizians to the Fourth of July exercises set up for the indoors here in Madison Gymnasium account the weather. Four score-

(Jacey Squires hands Shinn a note.)

The members of the School Board will now present a patriotic tableau.

(The THREE MEMBERS of the School Board who are seated on the rostrum indicate HE is wrong.)

Oh - the members of the School Board will not present a patriotic tableau. Some disagreement about costumes, I suppose. Instead the Wa Tan Ye girls of the local wigwam of Heeawatha will present a spectacle my wife -

(Catching himself HE looks at note again)

in which my wife -Eulalie MacKecknie Shinn, will take a leading part.

SIDE 2

Take your hands off my daughter!

Papa!

Mr. Shinn, your honor. Your daughter and I are goin' steady behind your back.

We'd rather do it in front a'your back but --

I'm going to warn you once more!

Now George!

Not one poop out'a you madam!

(Everyone reacts with shock)

I think he means peep.

You know what I see written all over you? Reform School! Now get out! Get out, you wild kid.

(TOMMY rushes off)

Papa, please. It's Capulets like you make blood in the market place. Ye Gads.

You watch your frazolagy, young woman. Go home.

(ZANEETA starts off. EULALIE starts after her)

Mr. Mayor, I want you to know I'm vouching for Tommy Djilas. That boy's got the confidence of every kid in town -- you'll be standing in line waiting to shake his hand by the time our band plays its first concert.

By time your band plays its first concert the individual members'll have to foregather in wheel chairs on account of the broken legs they'll get from tripping over their beards. I'll tell you something, my fine young feathered - my feathered young - never mind! Oliver - Jacey - Ewart - Olin! I want this man's references and I want 'em tonight! Don't let him out'a your sight! He's slipprier'n a Mississippi sturgeon!