Script

SIDE 1

Maybe you can borrow the thousand from Sky.

Not Sky. With him that kind of money ain t lending money. It s betting money. So why don t I bet him? Why don t I bet him a thousand on something?

You would bet with Sky Masterson?

I ain't scared. I am perfectly willing to take the risk, providing I can figure out a bet on which there is no chance of losing. He likes crazy bets... Ooh! Look - run into Mindy's Restaurant and ask Mindy how many pieces of cheesecake he sold yesterday and also how many pieces of strudel.

How much cheesecake, how much strudel -

What do you want to know for?

Just find out! Now beat it - here comes Adelaide. If she hears I am running the crap game she will never set foot on me again.

(BENNY and NICELY run off as ADELAIDE ENTERS, carrying a small box which contains a man's belt and a small card. She is followed by THREE GIRLS from the Hot Box.)

Hello, Nathan dear.

Adelaide! Pigeon!

(Embrace)

(To Three Girls)
You go ahead, girls. Order me a tuna fish on rye and a chocolate sundae with tomato ketchup and mayonnaise.

Okay, Adelaide.

(THEY EXIT)

We gotta get back to the Hot Box.

You still rehearsing?

Yeah. That slave driver Charlie - he's been working us all day. Finally I says, "Look, Charlie, I'm starving! I gotta get outa here and get something to eat." And he says, "You don't want to eat. You just want to sneak out and meet that cheap bum, Nathan Detroit!"

(Outraged)
So what did you say to him?

(Proudly)
I told him. I says, "I'll meet whoever I want!" Nathan! Happy Anniversary!

(SHE hands him the box)

A present? For me?

(HE begins to open it)

I hope you like it.

(He looks inside)
A belt!

Read the card!

"Sugar is sweet, and so is jelly, so put this belt around your belly." That's so sweet. Look, honey - about your present. I didn't get one. I'm sorry.

(ADELAIDE gets in front of him - he puts his arms around her)

No, I kinda like it when you forget to give me presents. It makes me feel like we're married.

Don't worry, honey - one of these days I'll be in the money, and you'll have more mink than a mink.

Nathan darling, I can do without anything just so long as you don't start running the crap game again.

The crap game! What an absurd thought!

(BENNY and NICELY ENTER)

Psst!

(NATHAN turns to him)

Yesterday Mindy sold twelve hundred cheesecake and fifteen hundred strudel.

More strudel than cheesecake. That's great!

Nathan! What is this?

Nothing, honey. Look, Adelaide, I'm expecting a fellow, and I know you're hungry...

Nathan, are you trying to get rid of me?

SIDE 2

(NIGHT. STREET OFF BROADWAY. ADELAIDE and SARAH ENTER and stand, looking agitated. Eventually, ADELAIDE notices SARAH)

Oh, hello.

(Uncertainly)
Good evening.

I'm Adelaide, the well known fiancee.

Oh, yes. When are you getting married?

The twelfth of never.

Oh, I'm sorry. But try to be forgiving and understanding, and the pain will go away. In the Bible it tells us in Obediah... Obediah....

(The thought is too much for her)

.... Obediah ....

(But she cannot go ahead)

You've got a boy friend named Obediah, huh?

(Through her tears)
Obediah was an ancient prophet.

Don't tell me. Nobody cries like that over an old guy .... Whoever it is, you got it bad. You know, when I saw you with Sky Masterson the other night -

(SARAH goes into a fresh outburst of tears. ADELAIDE looks at her)

Oh, no! Not Sky! You're not in love with Sky?

(No answer, which is its own confirmation)

You poor thing!

(SARAH gestures helplessly)

(Low-voiced)
I thought I hated him.

I thought I hated Nathan. I still think I hate him. That's love.

Adelaide - can't men like Sky ever change?

(Shakes her head)
For fourteen years I've tried to change Nathan. I've always thought how wonderful he would be, if he was different. But they just can't change.

A little while ago at our prayer meeting there were a lot of gamblers who acted as though maybe they could change.

Gamblers at your prayer meeting ... Was Nathan Detroit there?

I'm sure I heard that name. I think so.

How do you like that rat! Just when he should have been lying he's telling the truth! I'm glad I'm through with him!

(Turns to SARAH)

And you ought to be glad you're through with Sky, too.

(Thoughtfully)
I am.

SIDE 3

(A STREET OFF BROADWAY. ADELAIDE ENTERS from one direction, NATHAN from another. NATHAN sees her first)

Adelaide!

(Lady Windermere)
Oh! What a coincidence!

Adelaide, did Nicely explain to you about tonight? I hope you ain't sore about it?

(Tries to embrace her - SHE pulls away)

Please! Let us not have a vulgar scene. After all, we are civilized people - we do not have to conduct ourselves like a slob.

Sweetheart! Baby! How can you carry on like this over one lousy elopement? Adelaide, please!

It's no use, Nathan. I have succeeded in your not being able to upset me no more. I have got you completely out of my...

(Sneezes. Then throws herself into NATHAN's arms, weeping)

Oh, Nathan!

Adelaide, baby! Don't ever do that to me again! I can't stand it. We'll get married. We'll have a home, and a little white house with a green fence - just like the Whitney colors.

Look, Nathan darling, we can still make everything all right. Look - it's not even midnight yet. Five minutes to twelve - let's elope right now.

Okay, Adelaide.

(THEY embrace; BENNY and NICELY ENTER. NATHAN sees them)

No, I can't.

Why not?

(BENNY and NICELY are crossing at this moment)

Come on, Nathan - we'll be late.

Come on!

(THEY EXIT)

(In measured tones)
Nathan, why can't we elope now?

Because - well, I got to go to a prayer meeting.

(This one really hits her)
Nathan. This is the biggest lie you ever told me!

(She turns and begins to EXIT)

But I promise you it's true. Adelaide!

SIDE 4

(looking after NICELY)
What? I don t understand. Sky, Nathan has to come here tonight. We re eloping to get married. Is it the crap game again?

You know Nathan. Why does it surprise you?

But he promised to change.

Change, change. Why is it the minute you dolls get a guy that you like, you take him right in for alterations?

What about you men? Why can t you marry people like other people do and live normal like people? Have a home, with  wallpaper, and book ends.

Guys like Nathan Detroit, and  yeah, Sky Masterson  we don t belong in a life like that. So when dolls get mixed up with guys like us, it s no good.

(SKY gets to his feet.)

See you in a couple months.

Will you see Nathan before you go?

Maybe.

Tell him I never want to talk to him again and have him call me here.

(ADELAIDE sneezes and sniffles.)

Why don t you get another guy?

Wait till you fall for somebody! You ll find out.

(looks at her a second)
Yeah.