Script

SIDE 1

DON

Now look, let me explain...

KATHY

(looking at him, gasps)

You are a criminal. I’ve seen that face someplace. You’re a famous gangster. I’ve seen your pictures in the papers – or in the post office, with a lot of numbers on your chest.

(KATHY looks around wildly and sees a POLICEMAN at the corner. She jumps up and waves.)

Officer! Officer!


POLICEMAN

Yes, ma’am? Anything wrong?

KATHY

This man, he—


POLICEMAN

Oh – why it’s Don Lockwood.

KATHY

Don Lockwood?

POLICEMAN

Out for a stroll?

DON

Actually, yes.

POLICEMAN

You sure are a lucky lady. Goodnight, Mr. Lockwood.

DON

Goodnight, and “mum’s the word.”

(DON indicates “mum’s the word.” The POLICEMAN returns the gesture and exits.)

Well – thanks for saving my life. I’d very much like to know whose hospitality I’m enjoying.

KATHY

Selden. Kathy Selden.

DON

Enchanted, Miss Selden. I’m sorry I frightened you. I was getting just a little too much love from my adoring fans.

KATHY

I knew I’d seen you.


KATHY

I – I don’t remember... I saw one once. If you’ve seen one, you’ve seen them all.

DON

Of course. Er, which of my pictures have you seen?

DON

Well, thank you.

KATHY

Oh, no offense, but the personalities on the screen don’t impress me. I mean, they don’t even speak – they just make a lot of dumb faces... Well, you know.

(KATHY imitates a movie pantomime.)

DON

You mean like what I do?

KATHY

(mock earnest)

Well, yes.

SIDE 2

COSMO

(to DON)

Well... convincing?

DON

Enchanting. Why?

COSMO

Don’t you get it? Use Kathy’s voice. Lina just moves her mouth and Kathy’s voice comes out, singing and talking for her.

KATHY

That’s wonderful.


DON

No – no. I couldn’t let you do it, Kathy.

KATHY

Why not?

DON

Because you wouldn’t be seen. You’d be throwing away your own career.

KATHY

It has nothing to do with my career. It’s only for one picture. The important thing now is to save The Dueling Cavalier, save Lockwood and Lamont.

COSMO

Yeah.

DON

Well, if it’s only for this one picture. Do you think it’ll get by?

KATHY

Of course it will.

COSMO

Sure. And it’s simple to work the numbers. All you gotta do is dance around Lina and teach her how to bow.

DON

All right. We’ll go to R.F. and spring it on him in the morning.

COSMO

Well, it’s three AM, in the morning... Almost my bedtime... I best be going.